SLO CORE

SLOCORE Roster:

          o Jake “Jacuzzi” Juszak*
          What the fuck are you looking at?

          o Peter Raines*
          Pete gets lucky with a huck every now and then, but Slocore really shines when Pete just dumps the disc. No but seriously, it seems like over night Pete just decided to go from B team player to best player on Slocore. Peterrr Makin’ it Raaaaiiinnneessss!!!

          o David McEachern

          McDavid is… well… He told me he nasty. He’s probably the nastiest player in Slocore history.

          o Bryan “Podz” Podzius
          Emotions run freely with this warm-hearted veteran. When he’s not chugging Ice, he’s singing Bruno Mars songs by himself, throwing flicks like a little teapot, short and stout, or crying himself to sleep.

          o Michael Founds
          Fastest chicken to escape the coop. The second Sucka to play for Slocore, he has yet to live up to the name. Or does that mean he’s completely lived up to it already?..

          o John Kearns
          Best front handspring hammer in the game. Gonna carry us to Nationals this year for sure. The best throw he has though, without a doubt, is his hat throw. Leaves craters.

          o Justin Reinhardt
          Always make sure your shoes are tied before you shoot in pong. Justin lives by this. Safety first in pong so he can lay out everywhere in Ultimate

          o Josh “Keg Chest” Branshaw
          This Keg will never be tapped, ladies. Keg stand anyone? According to Founds, he’s got a lot of dick…

          o Adam “Fish” Fischlin
          Powered by Easy Mac, all this man wants to do is huck, and that’s respectable. His step-out is unbelievably normal, his pivots are smooth as most people’s, and his speed is SO average. Some call him unstoppable. This guy doesn’t go to tournaments just to break seed… he goes to hold it…

          o Alex “Sober” Sobel
          He has shin splints again?

          o Reggie Sung
          Although surprisingly unshifty, Reggie is one of the fastest people on Slocore. Cut and dump, cut and dump, cut and dump. You better dump it Reggie!

          o Casey Wu
          This beast of a man can be seen eating raw meat to keep up his gigantic form. Thank God USAU doesn’t test for HGH. ‘Roid rage is kind of a problem for Casey as he is constantly seen crushing discs and beating Freshman. Mom, where’s the fuckin’ PROTEIN!!!

          o Mitch “Yack Attack” Cesare
          God where to start… Just don’t bring this fool to any of your favorite SLO establishments. On the field, he’s puttin’ his balls on the back of your head. Off the field… he just yacks. Shawtiieesss!!!!

          o Tim “Buck” Buckmaster
          Only person in Slocore history to black out from having to pee so bad. His speed makes him a great deep target, but if he catches the disc outside the endzone, don’t be surprised to see a dump pass come from his feet… and there’s no way we’re letting him throw upfield…

          o Zach “Oggy” Antoyan
          Oggy rarely makes a mistake on the field, but when he does he says some of the weirdest shit. Most of his anger curses don’t really mean anything and are actually just really confusing, but at least they’re original…

          o Joe Lawton
          A whole hour? Really Joe? How painful was that the next day?!?!

          o Tom Stephens
          Tom will never be able to sneak up on anyone. It doesn’t seem possible because of how small he is, but he literally sounds like a horse when he runs. The best thing about Tom… his ability to puke and rally. So far, it’s a tie between Yack Attack and Tom for the Puke-and-Rally Award.

*Captain